I am not an Accident!
All posts by lovellasmessylife
Don’t be Caught Dead Without JESUS!
A car passed by me on my way to the office, and the plate number reads “Don’t be Caught Dead without Jesus”. The moment struck me like, do I always have Jesus with me? The answer is, I procrastinated. In my heart I knew that I kept on living and believing because I want to please Him, and I continue to love because God is Love, and it’s the main reason why I am created.
Waiting for Independence Day!
I have not waited for Independence Day as much as I have waited it now. I have long gone waited for freedom to arrive.
I have been living with my Aunt for years now and I have religiously followed the ideals, not just hers but of her whole family. My decisions depended on them. I know that I cannot be where I am now if not because of their overwhelming support and guidance. But I believe things tend to be different now that I am already working and is trying to figure out my purpose in life.
My aunt used to be really supportive of me back when I was still studying. However, things are now different, I now work and it requires me to sometimes go on a trip somewhere else. I longed for her text messages asking me if I have arrived safely or have I eaten my lunch. I hoped. I received none.
Before the ST Yolanda (Haiyan) hit our province, my family just lived nearby and I was not even allowed to sleep with them on weekends or even spend the entire day with them. That was okay, before. I was thinking, at least I was still allowed to go home.
After the ST Yolanda, where accepting death came so easy as breathing, brought havoc in our province, took so many lives, destroyed houses including ours, I realized that life is to short not be spent with family alone. I cannot even fathom the sad reality that what if I was not around to save mom and bug her to let my younger siblings evacuate in a bigger and sturdier house, they could have been one of the thousands who died, buried in a mass grave or not even found. I could have been crazy.
With the realization and my family already in Cebu City, I still chose to go home and live with my Aunt as my life’s daily grind is in our province though there is that given fact, a severe longing to be home whenever I can.
Honestly, I am so afraid to take on a different pace in this phase in my life. I wanted Independence. Many may view this as being rebellious. I am not. I just want to live this life and be as free as the birds in the sky. To sleep whenever I want, to wake up whenever I still can, to govern my time, take decisions and face its wrath.
We had a lot of misunderstandings in the past, I moved out, they urged me to be back. Tbh, I will really miss life with them, but I am looking forward to living my life too. I have to live the life I am here for.
Governing Time
I wish I can manage my own free time. Please don’t get me wrong. I am young, I’ve got work, though I am not paid that high, I am sufficiently grounded with what I can only have. The cons of being a scholar of some relatives, you have to be with them, until such time that they are already ready to give you the time you own.
I do not regret being with them, but I am not happy.
As a young enthusiastic individual, all I want is to live and govern my own life. I wanted to be into places where I can be me and enjoy everything that surrounds me. Surely, I am not being rebellious.
I want to be with family. I really do. Though I am feeling really guilty this time since this is the first time that I lied as to where I really intend to be into. The reason why I want to go there. I know that I owe them a lot, I am trying to fill and repay that one.
P.S. Lord, I am thankful that you have given them to me. I know you placed me in this kind of situation because you know that this is the only place where I can really grow into the kind of person you want me to. I know I am putting too much pressure in myself for being like this. I wish Aunt Lou will really support me in all of my endeavors so that I wouldn’t have to lie to be happy (I am not really happy, I just want to think that way because I know I must).
Lord, if this is really your will that I must go, please make my aunt understand why I must. I know this is something of a favor to ask since I was not really truthful since day 1.
Thank you so much Lord and may your will in my life be done.
Nearing 2
I am nearing 2.
Imagine? I was able to survive 2 years of self sufficiency. 2 different bosses, with completely different personalities but extremely the best nonetheless.
My 2 years stay in this 4 walled room would not be as happy and heart drenching at the same time if not because of the changing attitudes of the people around me.
Gwyn: For being my best buddy, for always making me laugh for shallow reasons and for making herself available every time I need her, for being my instant confidante and for being the person that she is. I love her imperfections.
Naiza: Though I had this reeling feeling of misjudging her, though sometimes I am hating her for loving K-Pop so much, even if you are too lazy sometimes and cannot be dragged anywhere since you always have reasons and reasons.
Eunice: I tend to treat you like the “BDD Girls” Baby, I have even prayed that you be a part of our family but I am still happy that you are now “soon to be” Planning baby. You are one of my many younger sis, oh well I am treating you that way as it is how I can see you. You are full of charm and you are gifted with an amazing intelligence.
Nicolas Cruz Villegas Jr.: I may have grown to be absurd and naughty at you. I still love you. I see you as a Big Brother here that I can confide with so many things I do not know. You are a man many people is trying to underestimate, you are graded low, but that is just because many people do not know your worth.
Ma’am Sheryl: I do not know you that much, but I know in my heart that you are not just a person that is ” Sagana sa Ganda at Kaseksihan” but a person with a heart and a full blown smile.
Sir Bimbo: You are so intelligent I cannot and will not ever compete nor argue, I am not comparable.
Ma’am Lumen: Nah, I really do not have words to describe you, but I know that you have changed for the better, and of course I am happy that you are happy.
Ma’am Choy: I am missing you a lot. I am missing you so much. I miss you. I don’t know, maybe because you are one of the few people who have trusted and believed in me. I love you.
Ma’am Badle: You are pretty amazing. Thank you for giving me a hand when I lost mine. Thank you for giving the chance to experience life. Thank you for sharing your life’s module, I wish I can embark on the things you have said I can.
To the many people I have been with thank you very much! I would have not surpassed the test of times if not because of you all!
To my BDD family thank you for believing that I can.
To my family, though you are losing faith in me, thank you for not giving up.
To God for allowing me to please you by doing the things you have laid for me.
Same,
Lovella
So It is Gwyn’s Birthday!
So it is Gwyn’s Birthday. Free Pizza. Free Soft drink. It was a Blast! Plus I finally opened my wordpress account! Yehey! So happy!
Nothing much to say, as I cannot contain yet my happiness over finding the password for this account,plus the yummy pizza!
Overloaded sa CHARAP!
So 1 year
Typhoon Yolanda
Typhoon Yolanda had left my family homeless, scared but fearful to Him.
My family really need foods, clothing and we are left financially devastated too making us not capable of starting all over again.
Guys, I am knocking on to your good hearts, my mother is sick and we don’t have the capacity to buy the medicine, I still have 4 younger siblings who are yet to enter school again. They are aged 17, 12, 10 and 6. If you can send us anything that will enable us to start all over again.
You may send it to Bloc 6 Lot 1 Lolita Homes Subdivision Guindapunan, Palo, Leyte. care of Lovella Daroy.
Thank you in advance.
Smiling through Life 